shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
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OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
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Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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