I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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