i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
