I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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