I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
