i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
