who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
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I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
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I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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