there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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