my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
