it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Randomize
