i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
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