I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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