can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Randomize
