sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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