I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
