I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
whose parrot is this?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Randomize
