you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
