I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
