He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
