Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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