ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
