did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Randomize
