The maid of honor just puked.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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