Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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