There is no way he is gay with that hair.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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