She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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