Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
