If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
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