sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
