you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
