HIV tests are more positive than that guy
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
