so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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