if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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