there's paper in my vomit.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Randomize
