hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
