I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
