well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
