im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
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