I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize