probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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