Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
