I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
