you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
