that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
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