Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
