don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
