If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I just gargled with NyQuil
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
