I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
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And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
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You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
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