I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
