We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
