It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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