If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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