i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
