Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
