This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
