I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
