dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
