she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
