I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
I just gift wrapped bread.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Randomize
