Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
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I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
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I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.