capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
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You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
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when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.