Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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