People with herpes should wear stickers.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Randomize
