How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
