i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
