I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
