Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
being pregnant is like rehab
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
