Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
