Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
where are you?
Hypothermia
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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