Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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