hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
